You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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