just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
