There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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