I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
