Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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