my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think brook has ever known best
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
