You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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