I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
