nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
