True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
