soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
