Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
