Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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