Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
