I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
