That's intense
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
