it was like eating out sand paper
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
