i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
