Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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