I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
