I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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