Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
