i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
