My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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