I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
