You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
