My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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