I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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