I cockslap morals
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
