Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
