May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
