I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
