Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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