I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
