Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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