I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
