but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
