Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize