I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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