Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
