Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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