Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
