I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
