Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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