Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
