I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
pray to the hookup gods
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
