Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
FUCK WHALES
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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