He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
