it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
