I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
