Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
