Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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