so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
