dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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