My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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