Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
