my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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