South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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