his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
