What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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