Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
