I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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