paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
