i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
one might say we're banned from that church
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
